1st November 2022
Dear Friends,
One of the constants I hear are as a Priest is “I’m terrible at prayer” often said with a sigh before looking away. They continue, “I mean, I don’t think I pray enough. And I’m never sure if I’m doing it…. right. I just feel like I’m missing something. It kind of feels like I’m trying too hard or not enough.”
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been entrusted with some version of these words. Perhaps they will also sound familiar to you. Sometimes they come with a sigh, sometimes with tears, sometimes with a dismissive laugh. I try to pay attention to the nuances because, while the struggle to pray is shared, the story is always personal and belies something hidden and deeper.
Often, though, what’s behind these prayer confessions is a heap of shoulds. When someone says they are terrible at prayer what they tend to be expressing is that prayer isn’t happening as much as they feel it should, or when it should or in the way it should. Underneath, there may be a painful anxiety about not being the right sort of person or having an inadequate experience of the Divine.
Shoulds and musts are very rarely helpful on the spiritual path but they are particularly toxic when it comes to prayer. Together they form a cage that keeps prayer small, confined and tame. Yes discipline is helpful and good for us; it can assist us in finding a rhythm that gives us balance and stability. But I find that discipline is best used like seasoning, not as the main ingredient. When I start to overuse discipline my prayer life tends to get trapped in a tangle of shoulds or musts and I quickly run out of steam and give up. It’s forced. It’s not genuine. Eventually I remember that the heart of prayer is not performance but being myself in God and enjoying God’s love as myself.
I struggle to wonder what, then, can I, as a priest, offer if I begin to discern that someone’s prayer life might be trapped in a cage of shoulds? For me the answer is always encompassed in the reality of relationship, our intimate relationship to God! We must strive towards this intimacy. Imagine your love affair with your spouse or partner and the desire to be with them. It’s the same with our relationship with God. If we see it like this all life becomes prayer.
James Montgomery writing in the early 19th century wrote this:
Prayer is the soul's sincere desire
Uttered or unexpressed
The motion of a hidden fire
That trembles in the breast
Prayer is the Christian's vital breath
The Christian's native air
His watchword at the gates of death
He enters heav'n with prayer
O thou by whom we come to God
The Life, the Truth, the Way
The path of prayer thyself hast trod
Lord, teach us how to pray.
Annual Festival Concert.
As you will know following the death of her Majesty the Queen our concert was postponed. I know it seems a long way off, but the new date is Saturday 20th of May. If you purchased tickets through Eventbrite, you should already have received a refund, if not please let us know. If you purchased tickets directly from Julian, he will deal with the refund for you. Please email him at the Parish Office on stcyprianscg@gmail.com. Your existing tickets will be honoured for the forthcoming performance.
Evening Prayer
After my absence we have resumed Evening Prayer on Zoom on Monday – Friday at 6:00pm. We hope you might join us when you are able to, the service lasts about 25 minutes and is taken from The Book of Common Prayer. The Zoom link is; https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84261393104?pwd=TG9sSWNjNkdoU2JzYkUrZ2dySGZ2QT09
Meeting ID: 842 6139 3104
Passcode: 802847
Help please!
If you are able to support us financially this would be much appreciated. You can give via this link to our ‘give a little’ donation site. There is a plate at the back of the church if you prefer to give cash. If you have online banking, you can transfer money via the Church bank account, the details of our bank account are NatWest plc., Baker Street Branch. Sort Code: 56-00-14. Account: St Cyprian’s Parochial Council. Account Number: 12138126.
Your priest & Friend
Fr Michael
Dear Friends,
One of the constants I hear are as a Priest is “I’m terrible at prayer” often said with a sigh before looking away. They continue, “I mean, I don’t think I pray enough. And I’m never sure if I’m doing it…. right. I just feel like I’m missing something. It kind of feels like I’m trying too hard or not enough.”
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been entrusted with some version of these words. Perhaps they will also sound familiar to you. Sometimes they come with a sigh, sometimes with tears, sometimes with a dismissive laugh. I try to pay attention to the nuances because, while the struggle to pray is shared, the story is always personal and belies something hidden and deeper.
Often, though, what’s behind these prayer confessions is a heap of shoulds. When someone says they are terrible at prayer what they tend to be expressing is that prayer isn’t happening as much as they feel it should, or when it should or in the way it should. Underneath, there may be a painful anxiety about not being the right sort of person or having an inadequate experience of the Divine.
Shoulds and musts are very rarely helpful on the spiritual path but they are particularly toxic when it comes to prayer. Together they form a cage that keeps prayer small, confined and tame. Yes discipline is helpful and good for us; it can assist us in finding a rhythm that gives us balance and stability. But I find that discipline is best used like seasoning, not as the main ingredient. When I start to overuse discipline my prayer life tends to get trapped in a tangle of shoulds or musts and I quickly run out of steam and give up. It’s forced. It’s not genuine. Eventually I remember that the heart of prayer is not performance but being myself in God and enjoying God’s love as myself.
I struggle to wonder what, then, can I, as a priest, offer if I begin to discern that someone’s prayer life might be trapped in a cage of shoulds? For me the answer is always encompassed in the reality of relationship, our intimate relationship to God! We must strive towards this intimacy. Imagine your love affair with your spouse or partner and the desire to be with them. It’s the same with our relationship with God. If we see it like this all life becomes prayer.
James Montgomery writing in the early 19th century wrote this:
Prayer is the soul's sincere desire
Uttered or unexpressed
The motion of a hidden fire
That trembles in the breast
Prayer is the Christian's vital breath
The Christian's native air
His watchword at the gates of death
He enters heav'n with prayer
O thou by whom we come to God
The Life, the Truth, the Way
The path of prayer thyself hast trod
Lord, teach us how to pray.
Annual Festival Concert.
As you will know following the death of her Majesty the Queen our concert was postponed. I know it seems a long way off, but the new date is Saturday 20th of May. If you purchased tickets through Eventbrite, you should already have received a refund, if not please let us know. If you purchased tickets directly from Julian, he will deal with the refund for you. Please email him at the Parish Office on stcyprianscg@gmail.com. Your existing tickets will be honoured for the forthcoming performance.
Evening Prayer
After my absence we have resumed Evening Prayer on Zoom on Monday – Friday at 6:00pm. We hope you might join us when you are able to, the service lasts about 25 minutes and is taken from The Book of Common Prayer. The Zoom link is; https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84261393104?pwd=TG9sSWNjNkdoU2JzYkUrZ2dySGZ2QT09
Meeting ID: 842 6139 3104
Passcode: 802847
Help please!
If you are able to support us financially this would be much appreciated. You can give via this link to our ‘give a little’ donation site. There is a plate at the back of the church if you prefer to give cash. If you have online banking, you can transfer money via the Church bank account, the details of our bank account are NatWest plc., Baker Street Branch. Sort Code: 56-00-14. Account: St Cyprian’s Parochial Council. Account Number: 12138126.
Your priest & Friend
Fr Michael
